I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
