mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
