I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize