Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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