i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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