I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
