Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
