HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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