1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
