your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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