I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
