I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
