nut hugger
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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