just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
