It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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