Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
