M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
