i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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