I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize