____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
