Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Pants are for mortals
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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