just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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