so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
