May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
