I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's never too late to be topless.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
