It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
