i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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