I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
