My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize