she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
