Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
