i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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