woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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