i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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