How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
