Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
