remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
