My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
