Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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