Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
