R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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