I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I believe in your delicious
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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