He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
