there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
