A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Don't make out with my wife yet
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
