I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
