Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
