His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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