HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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