I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
