the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
