I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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