What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
