oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
