The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
