Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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