mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
