Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
