Pappa wants mamma naked
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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