I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
