I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
