Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did I show you my penis last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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