Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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