So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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