I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
