If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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