the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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