remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
