he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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