I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
