My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
