Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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