Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
