he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
