Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
