Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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