i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
