my mouth tastes like poor choices
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
